Are You Serious?

Have you ever had an outdoor experience where you were either slightly or greatly annoyed by someone who just wasn't self aware.  I mean, they aren't trying to get on your severely frayed last nerve, they just can't help it.  You've seen them at the tailgate party, the office party, the campout, the cookout, the river paddle, the backpacking trip, …..

If you have never experienced a person like this before then sadly, it's you.  That's right, It's you.  My 'guest' writer this week, Uncle Yert, has some tips to help you with your condition.  He tells it like it is, but God knows his heart.  So please…read on and if you like it, subscribe so you don't miss his future musings.  If you don't like it, subscribe anyway, Uncle Yert doesn't have the patience to write every week.

1. Those faint rumbles or growls your are hearing, are stomachs.  If your group makes a habit of doing introductions just before it's time to eat,  please keep your introduction short.  We are hungry!   Now isn't the best time to give us your life story.   Keep it short….first name, where you are from,  and what you brought to share if anything.  That's it for now.  Save it for the campfire.  Thank you kindly.

2.  If you just have to start the campfire yourself, don't get an attitude if someone offers to help.  We'd rather not die of smoke inhalation just because you have pyromania.  And by the way, start the fire 'underneath' the wood.  It doesn’t work as well if you try to build the fire on top.

3.  Please. Close the cooler all the way!  That dry ice is expensive my friend.  Help a brother out and close the cooler lid all the way.  I didn't really buy that ice to make water.  I brought a separate cooler for that, the 'water' cooler.  Again, close the cooler all the way.  Did I mention to close the cooler all the way?

4.  If you are leading a song around the campfire or at the cook out,  pick a song where you know at least 35% of the words.  Make no mistake, you are still failing, but you get an A for effort.  I'm pretty sure the only words in that song aren't "wait, wait let me think…how's that go again".  Everyone can't be 'Maria' Carey but at least know the chorus.

5.  When everyone is cleaning up around you,  it's probably a good sign that you should be cleaning up too. This may be your first time tailgating or camping but I'm sure it's not your first time placing garbage in it's proper place.  Just in case you belong to the 'tribe of aristocrats', and it is your first time, just watch the people who are up and moving in your vicinity.  Then you try.  I know you can do it.

6.  If 'it' is not yours, don't put 'it' in your bag.  And if you didn't bring that bag your putting 'it' in, you are wrong all the way around.  You learned the Ten Commandments a long time ago.  Which one do you think applies here?  Hint.... it ends in 'not steal'.

7.  You wore and packed all cotton, from head to toe for a cold fall backpacking trip.  The packing list clearly said 'no' cotton.  But okay, maybe you thought it said 'all' cotton even though those two words are not at all similar.  It rained all day on the first day of a four day 40 mile backpacking trip.  Yet, you complain for 4 days that you 'just can't get dry'.  Some lessons just have to be learned the hard way I guess?

8.  Now that you have violated all these tips and you've decide it's time to go because 'you aren't feeling these people'.  Go ahead and tip out, but leave that funky tiny jar of apple cider vinegar that you brought to share with 15 people.  We could use it to draw the flies down to the other end of camp.  Sorry, this one's personal.

Uncle Yert …. Out.  

Let me hear from you.  Leave a comment below with some of your outdoor pet peeve's.